"Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens. A good marriage must be created. In the Art of Marriage, the little things are the big things. It is never being too old to hold hands. It is remembering to say ‘I love you’ at least once a day. It is never going to sleep angry. It is at no time taking the other for granted; the courtship should not end with the honeymoon; it should continue through all the years. It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives. It is standing together facing the world. It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family. It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy. It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. It is not expecting the husband to wear a halo or the wife to have the wings of an angel. It is not looking for perfection in each other. It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor. It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow. It is finding rooms for things of the spirit. It is a common search for the good and the beautiful. It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and obligation is reciprocal. It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner."
— Paul Newman’s letter to his wife on their wedding day.
I read this today and it made me emotional as I'm fighting to keep my marriage and myself from falling apart. Today I didn't feel like I wanted to be strong and in control of my emotions, so I had a major cry-fest, not in the office of course.
It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. This part of the quote does give me pause...as it's much easier said than done, though not impossible.
The photo above also reminds me of how effortless it was to love and express love to my husband 15 yrs ago and I wish I had that now. But love doesn't come as easily after disappoint and hurt.
Why didn't someone tell me that a time would come when your marriage would seem like work.
I guess when you take your vows and you say " for better or worse" you commit yourself to fighting through the hard times of insecurity and hurt. I'm grateful that we're still communicating and trying to work things through, this is truly a blessing and I appreciate his efforts. But I'm still afraid of what the future may hold...hopefully we'll be better not bitter at the end of it all... victorious and an inspiration to other couples.