May 16, 2012

Happiness in marriage is...





"Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens. A good marriage must be created. In the Art of Marriage, the little things are the big things. It is never being too old to hold hands. It is remembering to say ‘I love you’ at least once a day. It is never going to sleep angry. It is at no time taking the other for granted; the courtship should not end with the honeymoon; it should continue through all the years. It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives. It is standing together facing the world. It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family. It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy. It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. It is not expecting the husband to wear a halo or the wife to have the wings of an angel. It is not looking for perfection in each other. It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor. It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow. It is finding rooms for things of the spirit. It is a common search for the good and the beautiful. It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and obligation is reciprocal. It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner."


— Paul Newman’s letter to his wife on their wedding day.



I read this today and it made me emotional as I'm fighting to keep my marriage and myself from falling apart. Today I didn't feel like I wanted to be strong and in control of my emotions, so I had a major cry-fest, not in the office of course. 

It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. This part of the quote does give me pause...as it's much easier said than done, though not impossible.

The photo above also reminds me of how effortless it was to love and express love to my husband 15 yrs ago and I wish I had that now. But love doesn't come as easily after disappoint and hurt.

Why didn't someone tell me that a time would come when your marriage would seem like work.

I guess when you take your vows and you say " for better or worse" you commit yourself to fighting through the hard times of insecurity and hurt. I'm grateful that we're still communicating and trying to work things through, this is truly a blessing and I appreciate his efforts. But I'm still afraid of what the future may hold...hopefully we'll be better not bitter at the end of it all... victorious and an inspiration to other couples.

xx

11 comments:

  1. Within 15 years of marriage, I have kept three keys points in mind...at all times(gonna have to add a fourth point, loving the last line in Newman's letter)
    Marriage is made in heaven but so is thunder and lighting.
    Work a marriage like AA steps: one day at a time including serenity prayer
    Marriage is about two complete strangers vowing to spend the rest of their lives together. Key word: strangers.

    I pray God works it out for the better,doll.

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  2. Thanks Dee, for your kind words of encouragement.

    Lisa x

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  3. Thank you for stopping by my blog. I wanted stop in and return the visit. Marriage is rough. There are more difficult days than good ones sometimes. My relationship was in a VERY rocky place this time last year. There were times that I could have left, gave up, & moved on. Well- or at least think I was moving on. But I'm glad that I didn't. Things are finally working out better. It hasn't been an easy ride. You are only human and can only do what you are capable. Just remember that. Hope you the best! Thanks again for stopping by :)

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  4. I pray you and your husband can work this out. My attorney father said to me, "You're married before you enter the church, when you signed those papers. Remember that marriage is as realistic as it is romantic." If you and your husband put rubber bands around your wrists (or just one of you) and snap it (not too hard) when you have a negative thought, you'll find that negative's circular route will be short circuited and brighter thoughts will make in-roads. (This is from one of my psychology classes at LSU.) But most of all, I hope this works out for you.

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  5. Wow, I was reading and tring to realise how beautiful marriage is. We have to really respect each other's feelings and marriage is all about sharing as well!!

    A beautiful bond made in heaven....

    http://cosmopolitancurrymania.blogspot.com/

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  6. Hi Lisa,
    Thanks for sharing this and I truly hope that you will work things out for the better. Being in a loooooong relationship is always hard, trust me I know this too, but in the end, trying to forgive is better for your sanity than letting negative feelings eating you up. Easier said but still...
    Love yourself and your kiddo's and take it one step at the time.
    Big hugs honey,
    Maureen xx

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  7. I'm just a newbie but keep on praying and asking God for guidance!! Wishing you all the happiness in the world:-)

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  8. Hey Lisa, thanks for stopping by my corner of the world. My husband and I were both married before but next month will mark 20 years since we met on a blind date and in October we will be married 18 years. I like what DeeDee said above. Imagine folks who have arranged marriages and truly are strangers when they marry. Scary! I gotta say, the honeymoon ended years ago and that's okay. Nothing stays the same. Just as we evolve, so do our marriages. Wishing you all the best, Tammy

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  9. I hope you can make it work. Sending you a hug :-)

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  10. I'm not married, but I can understand how relationships and feelings change over time. It's great that you are still communicating....it's the foundation to any successful relationship. Give yourselves space to breathe and get to know each other in a different way. I'm sure it will all work itself out :)

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